Growing Pains

Have you ever had growing pains as a teenager? No? Me neither. But that's because I'm Irish and short and never had the need for them (ha!). But my sister did. She was always growing. Always. When shew as a teenager she had a few months where it physically hurt her to grow. Her bones ached, her hair ached (totally a real thing, apparently), even her teeth ached. And all from growing a bit too fast. Growing pains suck, or so my brothers and sisters tell me.

But I feel there aren't just physical growing pains in life. There are emotional ones too. Growing your mind, accepting when you're wrong about something, growing out of an environment or a situation, that's all a type of growing pain. And we humans HATE change. Most of the time we "suck it up" and keep going even if its not the best thing for us. Because it's what we know even it if sucks. But you know what Life Growing Pains are? Those are the pains life gives you that LOOK like terrible things but are really designed to make you grow from them. They look like big, nasty, scary monsters bent on drinking all your nice alcohol and turning your life into shambles. But what they are, what they really are, are lessons. Improvements. It just doesn't seem like it right away.

My life has thrown a couple of oh-dear-god-how-will-I-survive-this situations my way recently. And to top it all off, they chucked them at me while also giving me a terrible terrible cold AND insomnia. Ugh. I haven't been this stressed out since all those years ago when I lost my job and rent was due AND my roommate left me to cover it all. Yeah. I felt about that level of stress this last week. It was not fun. But now that the horrendous week is over I can BREATH. I woke up this morning without a cold and without, for the time being, stress.

I took a deep breath this morning as I drank my tea, and thought. All week long several people have told me about my car Stella (who I loved soooo much, it hurts to think about her). That while she was good and had so many memories, this new car that I bought will make more memories, new and fun memories. I wasn't ready to hear it yet. In the back of mind my baby car was coming home. But this morning, I finally came to terms with my new car, and my new situation, and this is what I have decided.

Life isn't going to throw me things I can't handle. Sure, a higher insurance bill than I've had in nearly six years SUCKS A LOT, and the fact that I now have a higher payment for a new car coming due, that sucks too. But then I have to ask that question that you learn at the age of 2 to annoy your parents. WHY? Why did all of this happen? Why do I have to get a new car RIGHT NOW just when I got a new job that provides me with income that I can actually start saving again only to see that money disappear!? It doesn't seem fair. It seems like Life is out to get me and has enlisted the mafia to help. But really, its just growing pains.

Earlier, on another blog, I posted about how I felt, deep in my writer bones, that this was the year for me. This year was going to be the year that writing was going to take off. And you know what? I'm probably not wrong. But that means extra income.  That means I'm going to be okay. And this new car and slightly higher insurance? That's going to be okay too. Because Life is really just balancing things out--or preparing me for another shift. A good shift. And I mean sure, because of my new job I CAN afford this hiccup in my life, but it's painful. That was money I was hoping to save and not have to touch. But you know what? It's all going to be okay.

This pain is only temporary. The future is going to be much brighter.

A Driver's Ode to Car

What can I say about my beautiful car Stella? She was a trooper, she survived many a harrowing and terrible driver on the road (I'm looking at YOU all non-native SoCal drivers who don't know what the fast lane is and plod along in it WELL below even  the actual speed limit), and even transported wounded friends. She was the bubble in which many secrets and dreams were told in, rants were screamed in, and junk food and hidden candy were consumed in.

She drove through rain and sunshine, through hill and dale, mountain and desert road. She was a piece of red metal but she had personality and LIFE. She never gave up. Even on her last day as a car she when by all accounts she should have combusted, she drove kids around safely, kepts us cool, and even got me half way home and safely into a parking lot before firing her last pistol. No other car can replace my beautiful Stella, but like putting down an old dog or falling off a horse, I need to move on quickly to a new car so as to dull the bitter disappointment of my loss.

You were a wonderful friend Stella.

And so ends my Ode to my car. Tomorrow I must go forth and collect my things from her dead body and then move on to another car. No one can replace Stella, but hopefully new and better memories can be made with my new car.