In four or so months I will be moving--hopefully--to a new state with a new job and a new life. I can't say I'm scared by the prospect, because getting out of California actually sounds really amazing the more I think about it. But as I'm a girl and prone to ever changing moods, I've lately been feeling some anxiety over moving. Most of it is money related, with a dash of 'oh-god-will-I-really-be-able-to-get-a-job!?' and a sprinkle of 'I-don't-want-to-leave-my-friends.'
In a world where family is rapidly becoming no longer defined by the people who give birth to you and more about the friends who stay with you, loosing my friends is more of a set back than anything. I've lived on my own before and family help was simply my mother saying 'deal with it' and my kind but poor father saying 'I wish I could help...'when the hard times came. My friends where the ones who helped me through my darkest moments and my happiest triumphs. And finding friends like that is hard no matter where you live I suppose. But having to move and NOT have that support there...THAT is a scary thought.
But to swing the pendulum the other way, I have a clawing need to break free from the state that I'm in. I've outgrown this fishbowl of a city, and I can tell because I've recognized patterns that I used to have a teenager emerging--and I'm not liking it. I used to be better than I am right now--I used to be wiser and more sure of myself. Which is yet another reason, why I need to move. I have so many emotions coming at me all at once and from every direction that I don't even know how to sort it all out. One thought does keep running through my head though:
Am I the person I need to be to make this move?
