Singing the Single Blues

      Being older as a single girl is weird. No one really tells you that, or maybe they're lying to you! But it's weird. In your late twenties your starting to really think about family--having one, running away from one, making one--even if you don't want to, or thought it wasn't something you'd think about. You do. And then you (I mean me, of course) start to freak out a tiny bit. But I digress. Loneliness was in the title of this post, and if you didn't catch that, you might want to skip this post--especially if you're looking for a fluffy feel good romance. THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR THAT! So grab a tequila shot or ten and join me in my loneliness, it'll make me feel less alone!

      I'm a young woman in her late 20's and I've run into the problem of being Single. Yes readers, that's with a capital S. I know there are lots of women my age who don't have boyfriends, or who have broken up recently and feel like there's no hope of finding the right guy. Or maybe you're busy getting your career started, or maybe you're just barely making ends meat and so you don't have time to think about dating or being in a relationship. Sadly, I'm still working on my career, but my career choice (being a writer) can actually be--and often is--a very lonely one. I don't do well with lonely. I think most the of the time I write just so I don't feel alone, or remember that I'm alone.

     But it's that time in life when your friends magically start getting married, have kids, own a house, get major career advances, and start serious relationships that are about to become marriage proposals. And there you are, wondering why the fairy godmother skipped you over. You're the Cinderella who didn't get the chores done in time and suddenly there's no more princes or fairy godmothers available! All of a sudden you're surrounded by people who are happy and settling (or jetting off) into new things. Things that require a significant other. So what do you do? Who do you turn to? Your friends might tell you to stop being so picky, or to just focus on your career and the right guy will come along. But what if you're me?

     You know what I do all day? I write. I sit with music playing in my ears and my fingers flying along a key board. When I'm not doing that I'm working with children. I don't work in any field that requires adult interaction. Let alone any flirty adult interactions. And the older I get the more I start to look up from my computer and think to myself  'I'm not normal. There has to be something wrong with me. Why can't I find a guy? Why can't I stop being so picky?'  I often think there has to be something wrong with me. Half the time I fall back onto my looks. I know, its shallow and vapid. But men are highly visual creatures. Perhaps I'm not alluring enough. Hmmm. Maybe if I wore a squid on my head I might be more appealing? I also live in Southern California, where men are mostly trained to fall for the girl with the most fashion sense and thinner bodies. I could prattle one about that--but I'm not going to because 'looks' is another topic completely.

     I also have this weird little quirk. I completely tie my 'desirability' with my 'work'. Do I make enough money? No. Do I live on my own or have a successful writing career right now? No. Ergo, I'm not attractive as a mate. At least not to the guys that I want to attract. I feel like a failure at life half the time, mostly due to lack of being where most of my other friends are. Busy graduating schools, busy launching their careers, busy being moms to awesome kids. And I'm.....not. I'm alone.  I have friends, but on the whole, at the end of the day, when I flip open my computer and pour myself a glass of wine I realize I'm completely alone. No one to give me a thought except myself.  And then I write. Because that's all I have.

    I wish I could get rid of singing the Single Blues. I wish I were in a place where men found girls like me attractive (honestly, I know lots of single girls say that about where they live. That guys don't like girls with looks like they have, but seriously, come to Southern California. It;s a whoooooole different ball game my friends!). But I don't. And I don't have the means to travel the world as I should be doing to run into a guy. Instead I'm stuck working with two ADHD boys, one of which who loves to defy me at every turn or polite inquiry. My chances of finding a guy where I live are very VERY slim. And my job choice makes it even worse.

    So how do I do it? How do I get a guy? I have no idea. I'm sure some of it is to finally succeed in writing--then I won't feel like such a failure at life. Its nice to say to a guy "Please come to my place, I can cook!" because you actually have money to pay for groceries on a regular basis. But I can't, and I'm SURE that makes me look absolutely useless to men. I wish I could say "I don't need a man to make my life complete!" but actually....I do. I need a partner! I need the jelly to my peanut butter, the salsa to my guacamole! But it seems to me, that fate is not in my cards.

     OH! And as a final note of self pity and curiosity, I have to ask a question! You know that expression "love will come when you least expect it"?  Am I the only person on this whole marble of a planet that says "I give up! I'm not looking anymore!" and THINK you mean it, but then find out that really, deep down, you don't. If you genuinely expect it, even when you try not to, how on earth are you ever supposed find some one? Does the universe say "She was just kidding, she's still hoping. So lets keep her single"? Because I'm beginning to feel like it's playing one big joke on me.


    I think I need another shot or ten! Bar keep, I need a tequila shot and a squid, STAT!

   
     

2012: The Year Of Me

In a recent poll conducted by CNN it was pointed out that while the vast majority of American people had a dismal outlook on the state of their own country and government, they had high hopes and positive views on their own personal lives and goals, which I found very interesting and even hopeful. The reason for this is that it means that while many a man and woman has had trials and tribulations of the variety that 'try men's souls', they still come out the other side being positive. After hearing of this poll and thinking about it I've decided that this year is The Year Of Me.

     People are focusing on themselves (and probably even their immediate family and friends), but unless your leaving your toddler on a counter-top near a set of steak knives unsupervised while you do yoga, taking time to really work on yourself is a very beneficial thing. Ever hear the phrase 'if mama ain't happy, ain't no one gonna be happy'? As red neck and simplistic as it sounds, its also very true. Happiness comes from inside and spreads outwards. When your stressed about your job, unhappy with your lot life, angry at your next door neighbor or frustrated over  the fact that you can't seem to get rid of your mother in law who constantly pops into your life to offer advice about how to raise your children, your stress passes onto your husband/wife/partner/children and they all suffer because you don't have the patience to help them. So really, in my mind, taking this year to really focus on yourself and take stock of your life is a good thing.

     For instance tonight I went ahead and deleted my profile from the numerous dating websites that I had been signed into. I hadn't had too much luck with the site, other than the occasional dating of LA men, and really, the other websites wanted money, and I just don't think a computer should be asking me to pay 19.99 a month for doing little in the way of finding a really good man/woman. And really, what have any of my previous relationships (if you can call them that) offered me? Nothing except heart ache. So this year I'm doing the things I'd avoided doing all of last year. One of them--while not on my resolution list--is to in effect, stop looking for love. If there's one thing I've learned its that love and relationships come either when

a)  its the absolutely worst time to meet some one--like say when you are running after a mail truck in pj's that are covered in care bear faces as a very dashing man steps out of an expensive looking car and happens to see said spectacle.

or

b) when you say to yourself "I'm busy with work and goals and don't have time for men" then find yourself suddenly head over heels for person. Why IS that any way!?

    My new years resolution isn't a very extensive list, but the articles in it are very important to my life and contribute to the Year Of Me. They are the following:

1) Find an exercise regime and stick to it.
2) Finish my book
3) Find a job/career that I am happy and fulfilled in
4) Travel

      That's it. But as I look at the list I realize that if I stick to my guns and I mean really stick to them, my life over the course of the year will certainly improve! I've also decided that I spend waaaaay too much time being annoyed/exasperated and perhaps I even am a little too opinionated. So I will endure to be more sympathetic (which isn't TOO hard of a stretch, I just need to learn to SHUT. MY. MOUTH.) and to simply laugh at the follies of my life rather than be angry at them. As to my career aspirations....honestly I'm still trying to figure that out. My life could go in so many directions at this point, and I'm not sure which direction to go. So for now I'm going to meditate on it while I desperately look for a job that can support me and pay bills.

      I don't expect to find any sort of romance this year, rather I think this year is more about making myself better and more into the person I want to be and establishing a career I can be proud and happy of. So, here's crossing my fingers and hoping for the best, because thinking of anything even remotely sad would probably end up with my lying on a floor cuddling a bottle of cherry vodka and trying to force myself to become five again.

     Here is to the new year! I hope The Year Of You works out and brings you many needed changes--even if you think you might not need or want them!